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September 23, 2014

Traffic Calming Device

I was happily and alertly driving down a lightly travelled side street the other morning at about 35 mph when I discovered this sign.  

I've never heard of a 
traffic calming device, have you?

Apparently, it's the uneven 
brick strip across the road. 
Well, let me tell you, it works! 

I had to pull over, 
right then and there, 
to take a nap!
Moreover, this road is no more than 
3/10ths or 4/10ths of a mile long.
YET 
I encountered two of these 
Traffic Calming Devices!  
AND
Two Traffic Calming Devices = two naps! 

It slow down my entire day 
and I couldn't sleep that night either.


Beware of these doggone new gadgets.
They're quite disruptive!

This has been a public service blog post. 

May your day always be filled with Mumbo Jumbo,
D~~~~

November 05, 2013

Mannequin Morsels

Do you ever get in the mood to walk?  I sure do, and even more so when cooler weather sets in.  There's something about meandering through a mall (or any stores for that matter), with no goals, no time restrictions, and no particular destination in mind that feeds my soul with a downright sense of freedom, happiness and clarity.  It's invigorating, refreshing, and it can even make me feel healthy.  I'm not talking about shopping although I've been known to buy a few things along the way but mostly I'm referring to walking around and observing it all just for fun.

That said, I had a hankering to roam last week, and knowing that colorful Christmas decorations (which I love) are starting to pop up left me no choice but to get out and about so I headed to Stonebriar Mall in Frisco.  The mall and retail area behind it are my favorite places to do some festive strolling.

First, I was disappointed to find that Macy's was still "Believing" AGAIN this year.  This year's store entrance looks exactly the same as it did last year.  
Ho-Hum.  
Boring.
You're Macy's!
Please move on. 


Of course, my affinity for mannequins kicked in. 
I don't know why but 
these Dillard's triplets look as if they're in a 
HUGE HURRY!

 Perhaps a move to another department is imminent. 
Wouldn't that be a major event in 
the sedentary life of a mannequin?

Maybe they're meeting up with these guys.
Just exactly what are they in line for?  
We know it's not a line to buy an iPhone!
 (Dillard's)

Here's a couple of hot pink babes in Betsyville.
Not necessarily entertaining but I love their bold hue.
(JC Penney)

I'm guessing all that heavy jewelry made it 
difficult for her to hold her head up (or on).
(JC Penney) 

Just this morning I woke up thinking that I wanted my fashionable neckwear to be a couple of dish cloths, a gravy boat, a baster, and a spatula.  To further accessorize, I knew that a basket belt containing artichokes, carrots, an oven mitt and more would be the perfect thing to get me through the day! 
(Macy's)

The above pic is a great example of using the accessory wall thoughtfully!  If you don't watch Project Runway--mentor, Tim Gunn, always tells the designers to "use the Belk accessory wall thoughtfully" or Bluefly.com accessory wall or whichever company is the sponsor that season.  

Just once I'd like to hear, 
"Please use the Kitchen Collection accessory wall thoughtfully!"  
Oh, and can you imagine the runway show?  
You know, it might actually work for one of their unconventional challenges. 

Her business is showing too.
There's a good chance that this 
designer will be told that she's out.

Speaking of showing your business, this next morsel is true!
In December 2012, I took this photo in JC Penney.
The lingerie department to be exact.
The blog post is here.
A bald babe with an exposed shiny hiney.
Yes, it's spelled "heinie." 
I know because I looked it up but I like my spelling better.

Last week, curiosity sent me back to the same
spot to see what "hiney girl" was up to these days.
This is exactly what I found!
NO LIE!
 Obviously, there's a new gal in town--
headless and footless with a matte finish. 
Nevertheless, she must have read my blog post about 
her predecessor because she's protecting her business.

On that note, I shall depart.  
I will be posting on this blog more often than I have in the past.
Consider this your only warning.

Have a Mumbo Jumbo Day Folks,
D~~~~

February 20, 2013

My Story

I'm excited to tell you that my story is featured today on the I'm a Creative Late Bloomer blog!  You can check it out at the link above or click here.

Wishing You Laughter That Blooms Each Day,
D~~~~

February 12, 2013

Mannequins Are People Too 2

Here's another short edition of Mannequins Are People too!

I guess this is what happens
when you run with scissors!
Let that be a lesson folks!

It just goes to show that accessorizing
your naked body will not hide your wrinkles!
Of course, there's always the possibility that if you're donning a lovely metal, heart-shaped head with a hole in the middle, perhaps no one will look at your naked, wrinkled, accessorized body.  Just a thought!

This is where I like to wear my third shoe (or boot)!

My butt looks WAY too big when I wear it here!
Where do you wear your third shoe?

Have a Mumbo Jumbo Day
D~~~~

December 12, 2012

Mannequins Are People Too!

Yes, it's true, mannequins are people too, 
and I set out to prove it. 

The first thing I discovered was this kid who 
apparently plummeted from his designated 
show-off shelf in the Boy's Department.  
Probably rough housing! 
(Dillard's)

Nearby, I found these three girls dancing to YMCA.
Very life like, don't you think?
You know it makes you want to dance!
(Dillard's)

And what could be more human
than hats for the headless?
(Gap Kids)

Next, I encountered these bald-headed Irish ladies.  They really piqued my interest until I realized they were following me!    
It took me awhile but I eventually gave them the slip.   
No really!
I was near the slips and I threw
one at them so I could get away.
(Dillard's)

You can rely on these gals.
They'll stick their necks out for you!  
(Dillard's)

As soon as I saw this Blue Babe, I grabbed her and began performing the Heimlich Maneuver.  When that didn't work, I threw her to the ground and gave her mouth to mouth.  I quickly realized, however, that blue was her natural color.  
Boy, did I feel like a nincompoop!
(Dillard's)


My grandsons, Preston and Triston, are
hiding behind Blue Babe's blue friends.  
I think my not-so-life-saving antics embarrassed them.
(Dillard's)

Oh and then...
this is just wrong.
(Dillard's)

Not only are these stylish young ladies

sporting a rare head of hair but it's long!
(Love Culture)

More hair but not as long!
I guess the bossy broad needs her space.
(Forever 21)

Something is afoot here.
Not exactly mannequins but they seem to fit.
(Earthbound Trading Company)

Mod Missies with square tattoos and big jewelry.
It's very 2012!
(JC Penney)

A half-body checkered tattoo!
Wouldn't the red necklace on the Mod Missy
above look just divine on this Marvelous Mama?
(Vera Bradley)

In all likelihood, this Lovely Lulu is an avid reader!
She's is my very favorite too!
(Altar'd State)

Clearly, something has gone awry here!
But haven't we all felt like this at one time or another?
(Dillard's)

And finally...
What woman hasn't had this experience in the mall?
You're wandering around in your blingy high heels with your shiny bald head sticking out when your clothes fall off, and your undies creep down enough to show your heinie crack!
We ALL hate it when that happens, don't we?
(JC Penney)

May your every day be filled with
an abundance of fun Mumbo Jumbo.
D~~~~

September 09, 2011

It's Whataburger Official--We're Old!


It happens to everyone sooner or later. Well, usually later but when it happened to hubby George and I a few years ago, later sure seemed sooner.


We stopped by Whataburger for a bite to eat, and like we always do in fast food joints, we ordered one combo and one sandwich. We always share the drink and fries that come with the combo because:

1) We take in fewer calories that way, and 
2) I’m not a big french fry fan like George but I’ll eat a couple. 

As soon as we paid for our order, the gal set two cups on the counter (instead of one) for us to go get drinks.

Puzzled, George asked, “You did put us in for just one combo, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” the woman replied, “But Senior Citizens get free drinks!” The words even came out of her mouth italicized!

Senior citizens. Free drinks. I was certain the world quit spinning for a moment because I felt a sudden jolt! Keenly detecting our deer-in-the-headlight gazes she questioned, “You are over 55, aren’t you?”

In unison, our heads slowly bobbed up and down but we continued to stare in silence. Finally, I managed, “Yes, in fact he was 55 yesterday.”

“There ya go! And Happy Birthday!” She exclaimed much too cheerfully.

We each took a cup, and in our zombie-like state, slowly and silently trekked toward the soda fountain with elbows bent, cups sticking out in front of us.

“Pahssshhhh, Pahssshhhh,” we filled our cups.

In my stupor, I glared down into my vessel full of diet Coke, and I was sure that I saw the words “Senior Citizen” written out in carbonated bubbles. 
I then turned to George and conceded, “Well, it’s official, we’re old!” 

He forced a slight nod of agreement even though I could tell that he really wasn’t home at the moment.

I was certain that all the other customers could hear our rickety bones creak as we navigated the hard cruel Whataburger floor to carefully position our feeble bones in a booth. George and I slowly gummed our food down and when we were finished, we eked our way over to the trash can, discarded our stuff, and wandered out into the parking lot hoping we’d still be able to find our truck. 

This was not the end of it though. Oh no! Gluttons for punishment that we are, George and I went back to Whataburger about a week later.

We strolled in and there SHE was behind the counter--the woman who Officially bestowed us with the “Senior Citizen” title. How nice. She was busy doing something under the counter (probably reading her age detection meter), which was a good thing because I was trying to avoid looking at her. 


After a minute, I felt the need to be polite so I carefully and slowly glanced her way. She immediately stopped what she was doing, and gawked back at me. The second her eyes hit me, I heard a very loud cracking noise. It was my face! 

Wrinkles and lines were forming and running rapidly amuck from forehead to cheeks to chin! It sounded like an earthquake or volcano was taking place right on MY epidermis. I knew my face was quickly beginning to resemble a map of New York City but there was no way to stop it! Ugh!

Thankfully, a kind, joyful, and very sweet young lady approached to take our order, and the deafening crunch sounds subsided. She cheerfully asked if she could help us, and we ordered our usual combo and sandwich. This means, we only get ONE drink, right?  Wrong!

After George paid for our order, the sweet young girl turned on me. “Ma’am, do you want a drink too?” 

She was offering ME the Senior Citizen Free Drink!

I quickly thrust my index fingers into my ears to block out the thunderous head-to-toe crackling that was now occurring. Even worse, my breasts plunged towards my knees about a foot as if they were thrown off a high-rise building, and my hip popped out of joint right there in the middle of Whataburger!

I was afraid to look around because I was sure people were staring! Trying to act nonchalant was truly impossible with ditches being snaked into every nook and cranny on my body.  I was pulling it off though until the urge to pee became so violently strong that I had to cross my legs, wrapping one as far around the other as was humanly possible! 
Once this aging disaster subsided, and with fingers still in my ears and legs crossed, I nodded yes in response to her drink question. Hey, a free drink is a free drink! 
Once I regained composure, I started imagining the staff busy in the back trying to seniorfy our sandwiches by running them through a blender.  With that in mind, George and I wandered over to the condiment counter to stock up on the many straws we anticipated needing to consume our meal.  

Perhaps when we order a Whataburger meal in the future, we’ll tell them to “Senior Size it!” I’m thinking that Whataburger might start offering Senior Citizen blended meals in the future. Of course, they will come with a prize--a bib--or perhaps teeth if they're not blended! 
I know I didn’t look like Angelina Jolie when I first went into Whataburger but I definitely emerged looking like Keith Richard’s great, great grandmother!  

One thing is for sure, my body can’t take much more of this place so I think we'll start going to McDonald’s! 

D~~~~